November 9, 2026 by

 

Going to college is exciting but sometimes nerve-wracking at the same time — new places, new experiences, new people. How do you balance your friends from home with your new friends? What if your friend group changes from year to year? Will your friends be friends for life? 

You aren’t the first person to ask these questions, and you won’t be the last. Friendships changing is a very real possibility. 

So, from one person who has asked these questions to another, this is a philia (brotherly love) letter about friendship to you and me: to you as you prepare to enter the college arena and for me as I prepare to exit it.  

Forming Friendships in College

Will you find your people at Cedarville? Yes, probably, but it might not be immediate. It takes time to build new friendships, and that is perfectly fine. And how you make friends might look different than you expect! 

You might be expecting to meet all friends in your courses, but you will also make friends over lunch, while waiting for coffee, during your work, in the orgs you join, and through new friends who pull you into their friend group (that has happened to me!).  

You may also think your friend group in college will do everything together: eat, pray, disciple, study, and have fun together. Technically, that’s probably not how it will play out. There are group projects to do, errands to run, exams to study for, and other things that might result in friends saying, “I can’t today.” Different friends will be there for different parts of your campus life. 

Back in freshman year, my classmates and I were walking up from the laboratory after a forensic science lab, and I marveled at how close all of us would no doubt become throughout the course of four years as we learned, studied, and worked together.  

That summer, I changed my major, and over time, those friendships faded. 

For most of my friendships freshmen year, the commonality was that we were in the same classes. Today, my friends at college aren’t friends just because we take the same courses. Many of us aren’t even in the same major. But we have other similarities: We are all quirky, our beliefs are similar, and though our hobbies vary, we are all happy to learn about each other’s interests. 

Image of a group of friends at college eating lunch at Chick-fil-a.

It took multiple years for me to find this group of people, and there were other wonderful friendships along the way. So maybe “finding your people” isn’t a once-and-forever choice like you might’ve thought. 

Friend groups take different forms than what you expect. My group certainly does. Yet whatever your friendships look like, they take intentionality to keep.  

Keeping Friendships When Life Separates You

In college as in the rest of life, our friendships will change over time because friendships are a choice. Everyone’s schedule changes from semester to semester, and sometimes, commitments change too.  

Keeping friendships despite shifting schedules and priorities takes some creativity, but your college friendships are worth activating the right side of your brain.  

Here are some ways to keep your friendships going during a busy time: 

  • Studying together: working (quietly or otherwise) in each other’s presence 
  • Walking friends to their classrooms so you can talk a bit more on the way 
  • Eating meals together or grabbing a snack before parting ways 
  • Grocery shopping together 
  • Finding and going to events that interest you both (Like the fall festival my friend Emily and I are going to!) 

I’ve had to get more creative than most since I commute and most of my friends don’t. 

If my friends and I want to do something together, it will either be within walking distance of campus while I’m at Cedarville, or I will drive and pick them up. 

My friends are busy, and so am I, but we make it work. 

Fading Friendships Are OK

Even when you do put in the work to keep your friendships going, it’s natural that your friendships will change throughout college.  

It’s normal to wonder about the fate of your friendships. As a senior, I still think about the fate of mine. 

I see my freshmen friends around campus, and we say hi. We make small talk. A few of them get together with me maybe once a semester. That’s about it. 

After freshman year, we grew apart. At the time, I cried. It hurt back then, and sometimes, it still does.   

But you know what? That’s okay. 

When you’ve invested so much energy in relationships, it is hard to see friendships fade away, and it’s natural to feel sad when friendships come and go. 

But just like some friends drift out of your life, new friendships come in and old friendships reignite. Each step of the way, God will bring you joy through the friendships He has planned for your life.  

A Reminder: Keep Connections From Home 

As exciting as the idea of new friend groups at college are, don’t forget the friendships you already have at home! Especially early in your college life, these friends know you best and have seen all sides of you.

These friendships will change too as you move from high school to college, but they’re worth the effort to keep up! 

Phone calls, texting, and visiting these friends go a long way in keeping those friendships healthy. You’ll grow a lot as you figure out how to balance your different schedules and priorities.  

I’ve been really blessed by friendships from home, even when they’re long distance and across different phases of life. One of my dearest friends, Maria, is married and expecting a baby. Her sister, Helen, who is also one of my dearest friends, has a job.  

Since Maria lives three hours away and Helen lives close by, how I keep up with them is different.

Helen and I spend evenings together in person a few times a month. We’re actually getting together this week. Maria and I talk on the phone while we both drive home from work. In fact, I’ll probably call her after I get done writing this article! It’s not much, maybe 20 minutes, but it means a lot.  

Image of three girls in a craft room.

Some of my childhood friends and I keep in touch over texting and maybe see each other once a month. Yet they are still some of my dearest friends. 

We’ve all shown up for each other through excitement and emergencies because we know that our friendships are worth moving mountains for. 

Friendships at home and in college can shift over the years, but all the time, God is working in your life. You can trust Him to provide you with the friendships you need to sustain you as you go through and graduate college. 

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