Before coming to Cedarville as a freshman, I felt that I needed to start over. For as long as I could remember, I’d been labeled “the quiet girl.” Making friends has never been easy. I’ve often found it hard to carry on casual conversations with my classmates, even my friends. One minute, words are flowing. The next moment, we hit a speed bump. Silence. I start fidgeting, reaching for something, anything to talk about.
“It’s going to be really cold tomorrow.” Or, “What class do you have next?” even though I know the answer.
The truth is, most of the time, I prefer to keep to myself. On the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, I came out as 91% introverted. Even to this day, I can probably count my friends on one hand. After four years at Cedarville, I’m not ashamed of it. Even as I write, I’m sitting in a quiet corner at Beans-n-Cream, overhearing chatter in the next room, picking up words here and there. I spend a lot of time alone, but I’m not lonely. I still value friendship. And I still know how to love people. It just looks a little different than it would for someone more outgoing.
If nobody has told you yet, I’m here to let you know that it’s okay to be an introvert.
If you’re new here and can relate to my deep need for recharge time, you may have found adjusting to college life a bit difficult. Maybe you wait for the odd times between lunch and dinner to hit Chick-fil-A or Tossed because you don’t enjoy the cramped chaos of a long line. Perhaps to-go containers from the Dining Hall tend to pile up in your dorm room trash can, and every now and then, you feel a pang for home. Maybe after a long day of classes, orgs, and work, the return to your dorm leaves you collapsed on your bed, sighing deeply, drinking in the softness of your own space.
Let me take you back a little: It’s freshman year, Getting Started weekend. Even though I used to not wear makeup, I made sure I applied a little. A faux gold necklace with little stars hung from my neck, with some earrings to match. I was determined to remake my image, to ditch the quiet girl persona once and for all. I wanted to ensure I had a friend group to call my own, hopefully sooner rather than later. For the first week, I attended almost every activity my dorm offered, every bro-sis event, worship night, and off campus outing with the other girls in my Printy unit. Until … I couldn’t anymore. Because truth be told, I was exhausted. The stress of change and the whirlwind of college life left me unable to sleep at night. I’d lay awake for hours, trying everything: three types of melatonin, sleep syrups, meditations, and lots and lots of desperate prayers. For a week, I could barely get more than two hours of shut-eye a night. Finally, I made an appointment with UMS. When I told the nurse what was going on, she said something that stuck with me.
“Adjusting to college life is hard, especially if you’re an introvert.”
After just a few short weeks and a bout of COVID, I realized I couldn’t keep it up. I began to carve little outlets of alone time, and they made a world of difference for my mental health. With the blessing of a bike on campus, I would often cycle into town and hit the bike trail. Fresh air is truly a gift from God. And being out in nature reminded me of all that I had to thank Him for. I could spend time in prayer, listen to the Word, and clear my mind.
Still, I wanted to make friends. And once I realized I could not turn myself into any less of an introvert, I was left with me, as I’d always been. The turning point came when I realized, gradually, that I didn’t have to run from myself. I could use my personality, interests, and background as a bridge to connect with others. Let’s begin with my roommate, Brook. We did not know each other before coming to Cedarville. We met through a Facebook group, both searching for roommates. I put out an “about me” post, mentioning that I enjoy creative writing. Brook commented that she, too, liked to write. I can proudly say we have been friends and roommates all four years at CU! When we talk, sometimes we talk about more surface-level topics, like how our day went, or how our classes are going. And sometimes, we talk about complex things: the intricacies of the human psyche, our post-grad fears and aspirations, and our current writing projects.
That’s what I’ve found I crave in a friend: complex conversation.
Something that has helped me find people with whom I’ve been able to reach this level of depth is getting involved in activities around campus that interest me. And believe me, friend, it’s not always easy. Don’t overdo it. Just pick 1 to 3, depending on the busyness of your schedule and how much you think you can reasonably handle. My freshman year, I joined the creative writing org called Inklings, The Riding Centre local ministry, and a D-Group. Anyone who knows me knows that I love horses. Through the Riding Centre, a volunteer program at a stable that gives riding lessons to individuals with special needs, I met other people who also loved, rode, and trained horses. Having a horse of my own has acted as a door to let people into my life. In the past, if someone has been interested, I’ve invited them to go out to my barn with me. Just the other day, I grabbed dinner with a girl who, I discovered, showed horses at the same county fair that I did back in high school.
The Inklings Org has also been pivotal in my social development at CU. I met Adam, my now fiancé, in a creative writing workshop group. What’s funny is that on the night we met, we talked for almost two hours and didn’t even get one another’s names, majors, or hometowns until the last 5 minutes before we parted! That’s how I knew we were going to be best friends.
After four years, I can tell you that I never really rewrote my identity like my high school self had hoped. I don’t have a friend “group,” per say. I still eat many of my meals alone. But I’m not lonely. I’m observing. Contemplating. Cherishing. I have a handful of people I can reach out to for lunch, swapping manuscripts, and trips to the barn. And that’s all I really need.
Major and Year of Graduation: English, class of 2025.
Favorite Study Spot: The couches in Williams Hall.
Favorite Music Artist: Needtobreathe.
Favorite Quote: “First you go with the horse. Then the horse goes with you. Then you go together. – Tom Dorrance
What do You Like to do in Your Free Time? Write creatively, work with horses.
Favorite Bible Verse: Isaiah 43:1-2.
Tags: #advice, #experience, #experiences, #friends, #personal, #studentlife, #tips
Posted in: College Life, Experience, Student Guide