I came into college not knowing anyone on campus except for my roommate, whom I’d met that summer on the RoomSync app. Although a lot of students do have friends already established, many don’t. A quick Google search told me that at least 50% of incoming freshman have no social network at a school, especially if the college is far away from their home. So if you’re worried about making meaningful new friendships that last your entire college experience, you’re not alone! I’m still working on my own friendships, but I’ve learned some things that I hope will be helpful and encouraging!
I think I should start by clarifying one thing. The first few weeks will be hard, especially if you don’t know anyone. Even if you do, things are guaranteed to be different than they were at home, and you shouldn’t be discouraged if you don’t make immediate friends who know you and eat dinner with you every night. Sometimes there may be nights where you eat in your dorm room. Sometimes you’ll walk to chapel by yourself. And that’s okay, I promise! You can’t expect yourself to get onto campus and find those people you can share everything with right away. It takes time. I especially struggled with that, knowing I was surrounded by people my age but also knowing that none of them understood a single thing about who I was, what I liked and why, my childhood — all of the things that I thought mattered about me.
It won’t happen on its own. There will be work that you’ll have to do. Friendships don’t just blossom out of nowhere as time goes on if you’re not being intentional. Trust me, I wish they did. But just like your relationship with the Lord, your relationships with other people will require a bit of work, and if you are an introvert — like me — it will mean doing things you’d really rather not do. Maybe it means being the one to act first, smile first, or talk first. For the extraverts out there, it might look like being the one who is consistent, who always says hi or remembers to text back before too many days go by. Maybe at first, it won’t feel like anything is happening, but I promise that if you stick with it and keep putting yourself out there, God will honor that intentionality. He will provide you with the people He wants you with, and He will close the doors to friendships He doesn’t want you in. We can always trust that He knows who will be best for us.
I can’t guarantee that anything that has worked for me will be good for you, but I do think some of the things I’ve tried to do have helped me in my friendships. Taking the time away from work or other activities to spend it with people is something that wasn’t always easy for me. Growing up, I always had a friend whose friendship I didn’t have to work very hard on. She was just always there. Coming to school made me recognize the importance of the skill of starting new friendships, and one of those ways is simply investing in being with them. It’s not always the classroom where you make the best friends, although some great friendships can come from shared classes. Often, though, it’s those outside things that you do together. Going hiking or walking on campus, eating lunch between classes, chatting with them in one of your rooms — just being together and doing life. Besides, taking study breaks is always good anyway!
Your friendships will always be changing while you’re in college. People’s schedules start to conflict. Maybe that one friend you always ate dinner with has plans now. Maybe you don’t have that general education class with your roommate and never see them anymore. That’s okay. God will keep the people He wants in our lives around, but sometimes, it does take some hard work to keep the friendship strong. I’m still working on that, and I will be until I graduate. Each semester is different, with new classes and new faces, but every new face is an opportunity, not something to be nervous about. And perhaps that stranger needs a friend more than you do at the moment. Maybe God plans to use you to strengthen them. You never know!
I hope I’ve provided a bit of comfort, or at the very least given you some ideas as to how to reach people. Coming to college is scary, even for the people who won’t admit it, and feeling like you have no community can be hard, but I promise it won’t last, not if you’re intentional where God has placed you. And if you try and try and still feel alone, then hey, just reach out. We can learn together!
Name: Gabrielle Larrabee
Major and Year of Graduation: English, class of 2027.
Favorite Study Spot: Orion Coffee and Tea window bar table.
Favorite Music Artist: Sidewalk Prophets, Jorge Rivera-Herrans.
Favorite Quote: “It must seem strange to the heavenly people, who have reached the beautiful End, that we ever call prayer “unanswered” when it is not what we expect. Isn’t no an answer?” Amy Carmichael.
What do You Like to do in Your Free Time? Reading, writing, hiking, watching movies, playing board games, spending time with family.
Favorite Bible Verse: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Tags: #advice, #experiences, #guide, #helpful, #personal, #student, #studentemployment, #studentlife, #tips
Posted in: Practical Tips, Student Guide, Student Life